If only everyone ensured that they were properly informed before allowing a feeling to take root, the world wouldn’t be full of fools barking up the wrong tree!

The door-bell rang. A friend walked in, pale and shattered. Dark rings under red-rimmed eyes, lips quivering from restrained emotion. “She’s

left me,” he whispered, as if expecting the words to hurt. “After fourteen years of an ideal marriage, she’s upped and left me.”

I couldn’t help thinking of his wife telling me in confidence that the marriage, to her, was a prison: a locked cell, stifling and restrictive; no access to daylight or fresh air. “I shall have to break out,” she had stated calmly, “or else go under.”

“I love her,” he said brokenly. “Since the day we met, I’ve only lived for her. My life was dedicated to her welfare. Without her, I have nothing.”

It crossed my mind that this degree of spousal devotion seems to come more naturally to men. I wonder if it stems from an unconscious hankering back to the blessed state of infancy, when all their require-ments were filled by a bountiful madonna, who asked for nothing but submission in return.

“Could it be,” I ventured carefully, in an attempt to help, if not comfort, “that your relationship has been based on your needs more than hers ”

“Not at all,” he snapped, offended. “I never had a thought for myself. I gave her everything, each living moment. Body and soul, I was all hers.” Bewilderment took over, as he pondered: “How can any woman walk away from such devotion ”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him. Perhaps one day I will.

Of all emotions, the most dangerous are those we don’t know we have. They are the cause of rash, impulsive acts; they drive us to be erratic, distort our sense of judgement.

It’s natural enough to want to close the door on feelings that are painful or unworthy. But suppression has an awful lot to answer for in terms of devastation.

Does that mean the other extreme is more healthy  Emotions erupting at short notice, making us scream and shout, laugh or cry, with little or no restraint 

One thing is certain: the more easily a feeling manifests itself, the more superficial it is. Using moods to let off steam, indulge ourselves, or even to manipulate others, is a means to an end not altogether honourable.

Emotional responses need not affect our conduct. Like spoilt children, they crave attention, but once we recognize them, they settle down, leaving us free to accept them as being there, somewhere in the background, though no more important to our life than the twinge you register when a needle pricks your finger.

The purest, most sacred feelings are those we encounter deep inside ourselves in moments of solitude and peace. Such feelings crave no tribute, answer to no needs. They are, in themselves, what we consist of.

Forgiving an enemy is a sweet pleasure. After all, it is entirely in your own interest to rise high above your adversary in integrity and dignity. Nothing crushes a person of ill will like the opponent’s magnanimity.

It’s different when a loved one inflicts a wound, lets you down, tramples all over your , play down the transgression; almost, you might say, condone it ?

when what you really want is to compound their guilt, draw attention to the crime for which no remorse is sufficient. Punish them for your pain, even at the expense of destroying your own self.

Bitterness is a disease; the only cure forgiveness. But not everyone is capable of summoning the inner strength required for such a feat.

Therefore, it is advisable to forestall situations that call for these heroic deeds, by acknowledging hurt openly and honestly, at an early stage: before the wound begins to fester.

Another safety device is for your own part to ensure that nothing you say or do could become a hot bed for such dangerous deep resentment.

It is the need for forgiveness, as much as the lack of it, that kills relationships.